third trimester depression?

I am 37 weeks pregnant. With my third child. I have spent many hours in the past month locked in the bathroom crying. I feel like I'm not a good enough mom. I'm not a good enough wife. My family deserves better then what I am giving them at this point. It's like nothing I do is right. 

My house is messy. Laundry is undone. Dishes are unwashed. It sickens me. But I'm so tired. My back hurts. 

Everyday I look down at my belly and I resent it. I should be glowing. I should be grateful to be pregnant. Some women can't get pregnant. Instead I'm very unhappy. 

After I had my Second child (18 months ago). I was experiencing PPD(post partum depression) pretty bad. I had to stop seeing my therapist because of financial reasons and I tried zoloft for a few months, it didn't work out. I am starting to wonder if its still the PPD. Or maybe I am just insane.

I can't remember the last time I hung out with a friend. I feel so alone and hopeless at times. Husband works so hard, he shouldn't have to take care of me too.

About me.

I am 24 years old. I moved far away from my crappy family to be with my wonderful husband(who is only human after all, and is not perfect even though he is wonderful.) I have two children. Today I am 36 weeks pregnant with my third. 

I am a selfish bitch who wishes for nothing more at this moment then to no longer be pregnant. I can't sleep, I can't get off the couch easily, I can't put on socks, I can't see my vag. I have been having contractions for two weeks.  I think I am farther along then the midwives think but I am not a midwife so I get no say. 

I have cried a lot in the past two weeks. I wish my body would make up its mind and stop contracting and waking me up until it was time to have the baby. I have been grumpy towards my other two children. I hope this doesn't scar them for life. I love them so much, I am just miserable right now.

The person who I thought was my best friend hasn't spoken to me in 4 months. She wouldn't answer emails or texts. Basically I was dumped by the only close friend I had made out here. I miss having friends. I hate feeling so alone all the time. 

I am so emo.

First Post

I decided to start an anonymous blog. I know it can never be 100% anonymous but I just need somewhere I can write without worrying about who is going to read it. 

Today has been a terrible day. I spent most of the morning crying. Just the monotony of being a stay-at-home-mom of two kids. Being 35 weeks pregnant with my third. A husband who lives on his own schedule rather then the one the kid's and I live on. Living miles and miles away from the nearest family member. Being dumped by every friend I make out here. Its all too much. Sometimes, I just hate my life.